And Then I Looked Up

Then I looked up and I was teenager. I was almost out of high school, had plans of being a "big time" business woman with a company of my own. Pinstriped suits, fancy cars, and flights all over the world were on the menu. I was going to live in a big house, have children late (sometimes I thought I wouldn't have them at all and SO incredibly glad I changed my mind) and focus on my career.

Then I looked up and I was in college. There, most young women (that I met) wanted to have a great career, get married, buy a house and have children. I still wanted to have a power career, now get married (possibly) and wait to have children; maybe not at all. I pledged Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated during my sophomore year, made great friends and enjoyed my time there. It was one of the most incredible and life changing times of my life. HIU. I love you!

Then I looked up and I was at Temple University, where I finished my last year of college. My mother couldn't afford to let me finish at Hampton (although it is very much still my Alma Mater). I cried and cried that summer. For me Temple was like the first year of work rather than the last year of school. I was a commuter and given my resentment for having to leave Hampton, I refused to engage. As far as I was concerned, I graduated from Hampton and this was a formality.

Then I looked up and I was out of school and working for Prudential Insurance Company in a financial role. Working 'til the wee hours of the morning and making great money. I was traveling around the country and abroad with friends; attending jazz festivals, NBA All Star games, movie premiers and everything in between. I was becoming and life was grand.

Then I looked up and I had moved to Boston. I was still working in a financial capacity, had stopped traveling as much, was planning on getting married and having children (2 to be exact) and now looking forward to climbing the corporate latter. However, I also have a side business on personal brand (now called Evidently Assured).

Then I looked up and I was married, working in corporate America (in Finance) and having a baby. I only traveled for work and my thoughts of running my company were not as present, but always remained in the back of my mind. I still ran Evidently Assured part-time. I ultimately had 2 beautiful boys (and they continue to be the joy of my life and little beacons of light), was married for 9 years, living middle class and becoming. . .but who?

Then I looked up and I panicked. I didn't recognize myself. The dreams I had, though distant for many years, were surfacing fast and furious. I was a at a crossroads. By all accounts and for what many people hope for, I should have been happy. I had a great job, a great husband, 2 amazing children, a connected network of people and a supportive family. Why couldn't I just settle in? Because it wasn't completely authentic. I truly believe I was always meant to be a mother, a business owner, an inspiration through my life and an encourager, a traveler and a connector; the rest is still being written.

Then I looked up and I was divorced, out of corporate America and running my brand and communications firm full time, mothering the loves of my life, traveling, reconnecting with my friends, meeting new and amazing people, exploring and discovering more of the authentic me that I've always known somewhere, but had forgotten. I was happy.

Then I looked up and I was living my truth.

PS. The point is to stay on the journey. Detours are fine. They are great teaching moments in life. Have no regrets. Don't run. Sit still and find out what's going on. The answer isn't always to leave the situation; no matter if it's work, community involvement or a romantic relationship. Live your truth!

When the Fantasy is Over. . .Come Back Home

They (society) have created a fantasy world for us to believe in and chase after. I'm sure it's been in existence for a long time, but I first recognized it as the "Pepsi generation". While the "Pepsi Generation" campaign was about being youthful and active, it was the beginning of "lifestyle" marketing; where products & people were associated with a way of life. The flood gates were open. Products began one upping each other on the types of lifestyle that they were associated with. The message, if you buy our product then you too can be associated with this high quality lifestyle (and that we believe you should desire).

Since the early 90s, our appetite for the "lifestyle" has increased significantly. The lifestyle has been presented in the form of thin wastes, large breasts, alcoholic beverages, iced out everything (including teeth), parties with pretty people, red carpets with famous people, problem free living, $200,000 cars and homes that could house a village. That is all so great and I mean it, for some.

I'm actually a fan of a healthy dose of fantasy from to time. It's fun, it can help to balance the realities of life and can give you, what should be, a lighthearted outlet. However, be careful how much of the fantasy world you consume. You can over dose on it and become a slave to the desire for it or get depressed because haven't been able to achieve it; you buy into the message that those who live this life are truly "somebody".

Here's the thing. . .behind the glitz and the glam and the love affairs and lipo, are the real lives of people, with everyday problems. Imagine how fortunate we are to be able to live our lives so privately; making our mistakes with only a few (relatively speaking) people getting wind of it; to be able to walk into the grocery store and not be mobbed by people expecting you to look every bit of perfect at 7:00am on a Saturday morning; to not have your every imperfection highlighted and talked about by people you don't even know (and then spread throughout the ether within minutes). Somehow it makes sense that the fantasy life is perpetuated because we're hungry for it and want to believe, even if for just a moment, that it's possible. Thank you to the sacrifice of your privacy, to those who give us those moments.

So, enjoy the fantasy, but when it's over, come back home. Plan for your real life as defined by you, even put a piece of the fantasy in there, if you like. Know that perfection is not a human goal; the ultimate lifestyle (as seen on TV) does not really exist. Although, there is a great and powerful real life awaiting. Your ultimate fantasy as dreamed up by you.

Live your truth!

The Agenda

Agenda: things to be done, matters to be acted, a list. We are taught, at least in this country, to have one. What do you want to get done? How are you going to do it? And most importantly, who is going to help you to accomplish it? All great questions.


While I am a HUGE advocate, fan, and participator in networking, connecting and gathering; I am also a lover of people. I want to know their stories, passions, what makes them tick, how they get through hard times, what makes them laugh, and most importantly, how can I help? Well, I have learned, primarily in these last few years of life, that not everyone wants to help; some just want to have. It was a bit of a rude awakening (I know, I know, I was naive. . .I accept it!).


After getting the hint, I initially became very guarded with my information, connections, sharing, etc. However, it just made me feel a bit paranoid and not feel like me. So, I went back to my old ways of getting to know people for who they are. Now, I am NOT saying that I never think, when I hear someone mention something that I'm interested in, that people I meet can't help me in my journey. What I am saying, is that I believe you should get to know people for who they are and let the connections flow naturally.


Under this system, will some take and never give? Absolutely. Will you get back something every time you give? Nope. However, you will, most certainly reap the rewards. Some call it karma, reaping what you sow, what comes around, goes around and all the other sayings in between. What I'm saying, essentially is that I believe in getting to know people and I believe in serving first. It has proven to be a good method...and not just for me. Feel free to ask around.


Okay, so onto those who always walk around with an agenda. I've had very prosperous times in life and some not so prosperous. In the times where I was visible and appearing to have some prosperity, there were certain people who were always sure to call, check in, say hello if they saw me out, so on and so on. However, during the transition years (code for the really challenging times), I was off of the the "agenda". No calls came in and while they spoke when they saw me, there certainly were no offers for lunch, dinner, coffee or drinks. It was a little comical to me because one thing I know for sure is that the one thing that is constant is change. Any moment in your life is just that. . .a moment. AND by the way, the majority of us are just a situation away from hard times. It is by the grace of GOD (for my believers), hard work, right place & right time, etc. that you're not going through it (but then some of you reading this are going through right now - REMEMBER, it's just a moment in time.

Don't live in the Land of Make Believe thinking that because you have it all buttoned up today, that those buttons won't come popping off like the cork off of a shaken champagne bottle. Consider yourself blessed (as I totally do) if times are good. Hold on until the next moment if you are in a difficult stretch.

The "Haves"

They are the ones you look at and admire through your own personal success lens. Depending on who you are, they may be single, travel the world, run a company and good looking. They may be married with 2.5 kids, colonial style house with the white picket fence, a Tahoe and a dog. They may be an entertainer with the looks of Aphrodite or Adonis, great body and lots of the material possessions. They may be a famous athlete at the top of their game with the respect and adoration of a nation. No matter who they are, you're looking and sometimes wondering why your life can't look like theirs; why you can't "have" what they "have.

Well, here's the thing. First, very rarely are things what they seem. Secondly, even when they are, it is senseless to set your sights on the lives of others. You have NO idea what the sacrifices were they made to get there or even if they are happy. The more time I spend on the entertainment scene, the more I see how much of a set up it is for the average joe. They are creating an image for us, because we've told them through ratings, twitter, facebook, etc. that we want this. The problem is that many of us believe exactly what we see.

Take a minute to come out of the Land of Make Believe, define your own goals for your own life. Trust me that what you see is not necessarily what you want from other's lives. There may components of it that you want. Incorporate those aspects into your journey, know the consequences that come with the dream and move out!

Those who truly "have it all" have worked for it. To be clear, because it's my definition, having it all means fulfillment, purpose, resources, good relationships, work they enjoy, purpose, etc. If your definition is narrow and only includes monetary gain, then certainly you will always look at others who have it as the ones to emulate. Be careful.

Live your truth!

Why We May Not Like the Truth

Truth: being in accord with a particular fact or reality. Are you in truth?

There are many truths about ourselves and situations that may be hard to face for many reasons. Facing them may make us feel like we are, less than, not intelligent, unaccomplished, terrible parents, not talented, bad friends, inadequate, not important and the list goes on. Recognizing them may also lead us to believe that others are aware of and judging us for those truths.

Why do we tell ourselves that we're doing a great job when we're not, more influential than we really are, have more money than we really have, haven't gained weight when we have, influence more people than we really do? There are many reasons. Some have to do with expectations from childhood, insecurities, fear of being judged, etc.

Whatever the reason, facing these truths can be a liberating and life changing moment. For what is true today does not have to be true forever. Don't deny your trutch. Look at it, face it and make the necessary adjustments to move into a place of living YOUR truth. Don't let society, that has been set up to reward those who appear to have it all together, be smarter, be quicker, have more, etc., make you try to live in someonelse's truth.

Get out of Living in the Land of Make Believe.

Live your truth!